A Little Piece of My Heart

 

I thought I would share a little of me. This is my baby Benji. Three weeks ago his vet told me he was dying. He had a severe stomach infection, I won’t go into details about it, but in spite of our efforts  he lost 8Lbs. He wasn’t eating a single thing and yet threw up various times a day. Needless to say I was crying like a baby at all times. I can’t even speak for my mother who’s more emotional than I am. She and my brother had a serious talk with me about euthanizing him because he was in obvious pain, but I couldn’t even fathom the thought. I was convinced that he would survive. That he was strong and would make it through. I was determined.

We hospitalized him and I have to say the vet performed a miracle. Benji slowly started to get better. He was clearly angry with us for leaving him. When we first visited him, he got excited, wagged his tail, barked, but after a while when we stayed and got comfortable he seemingly started to realize he was staying too. He saw us picking up our bags to leave and when we’d call him or try to pet him and kiss him he’d ignore us. It was funny because he was so insulted. I pictured he would have said “these assholes are leaving me again!” I had laughed at the thought. It was the first time I had in a while when it had anything to do with Benji. I finally knew he was getting better. The Vet picked him up and took Benji with him, my dog did not even look back.

Eventually in one of our visits the vet  told us we could take him home and gave us medication for him, for ten days. After about a day or two he started eating like the dog he is. He was just always hungry. I had never seen him eat like that. He was compensating for all that time he was basically starving. At one point he knocked over the garbage can, (something he had never done because he is well trained) and stole a chicken bone and ran. My mom went after him and snatched it from him, it was pretty funny, even funnier when she started cursing at him in Spanish telling him chicken bones are no good for him. As if he cared or understood.

I hadn’t been truly happy until yesterday though. We had gotten him a lion teddy bear a short while ago, he usually tears his toys into pieces immediately and he hadn’t yet, he was seemingly protecting it. Well yesterday when I got home from work he started running  back and forth, jumping on me, knocking me over (mind you he’s a small dog, but very strong) to lick me in the face (which he knows I don’t like but I can’t very well stop him, I’m too grateful he’s alive so I just don’t care anymore), and then he ran and got the lion. I hadn’t played fetch with him in so long because he was so sick, he started getting crazy. I tried to pull the lion away from him and he held on for dear life, even when I lifted him off the floor. I was so happy to see him like that, to play with him, I had known I would again, but I wasn’t happy until it actually happened. So that picture above that’s my baby, that’s a little piece of me. A little piece of my ❤

 

Find Your Way Out: Search for Happiness.

If you don’t see your worth, you’ll always choose people who don’t see it either. When your self esteem rises, your life follows. -Mandy Hale (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

I’ve been M.I.A for a bit. I apologize. Sometimes it’s just so difficult to find time to write, but with the current happenings in life I thought maybe I should talk a little bit about self-esteem. And not really my own, I’m not afraid to say my self-esteem is pretty high. I think I’m wonderful. I hope that even when you doubt it you can still find that little thing inside of you that tells you you are great and you love yourself.

In my short adult life I’ve encountered a magnitude of people who don’t love themselves as they should. I hate to find the most beautiful women feeling threatened by other women because of visions they create in their minds. Doubts generated by a relationship they perhaps shouldn’t be in because it’s unhealthy. Why, I have to ask, do so many women blame the other for ruining the hazardous relationship they are in? Let me be more specific, if a person is afraid that their boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, husband, wife, lover or life partner is going to cheat on them, why instead of blaming their significant other do they castigate the third party and forgive the actual culprit? Many people might not agree with me and that’s ok, but the way I see it, whoever you assume got in the middle of your relationship, unless you were acquainted personally, it is not their fault. They owe you nothing. They were not your friend, they did not need to respect any boundaries, etc.

Now I’m not saying that it is ok to get in the middle of another person’s relationship, it is wrong. No one should seek to cause another person unhappiness. I believe every person should try to seek their own happiness without disposing that of anyone else, if they can help it. And if someone is the catalyst to your unhappiness you can go ahead and hate their guts, but the real person at fault is your significant other. That person who you loved, expected the best from, respected, expected respect from, trusted, is the person you should be angry with. That person was the one who should have considered your feelings but didn’t, the one who caused you emotional damage in search of their own pleasure, the one who allowed that third party into your life in spite of you. The one who betrayed you.

My point of view comes from experience, in my past relationship the person I was angry with for hurting me was not the third party, the third party didn’t even know I existed, which is often the case, but my significant other knew damn well we did not have an open relationship. So I ended the relationship. In the end I don’t hate him or her, I am perfectly happy and trying to be happier outside of any romantic relationship. I attribute it to my self-esteem that I never took him back because I had respect for myself. I loved myself, and I knew he did not respect me enough to be monogamous. I knew I deserved better. So why do so many people stay in a relationship where they fear every moment their partner is away from them that they are doing something they shouldn’t? Why live like that? Why cause so many problems within your circle of friends, with your partner’s circle of friends, by feeling threatened by others who have nothing to do with your relationship and no intention of involving themselves in it. Why stay in such an unhealthy situation when you know love is not worth how miserable you feel. Again self-esteem. I can’t offer the help or advice needed to surpass the level of self-esteem necessary to get out of an emotionally damaging relationship, but if you read this and you realize this is you, that you’re giving your all and fighting for a relationship that is doing you no good, and isn’t benefiting your life in anyway, then get out of it. Do yourself a favor and honestly, do that person you consider a significant other a favor and get out. Both of you are probably pretty unhappy if you have to go to extreme levels to find happiness and in the end, never do. You won’t be immediately satisfied and you’ll miss your partner, probably even the fights, but soon enough you’ll realize you had to get out to find happiness without them. If you found you couldn’t and your life with your partner was better, than I guess I’m wrong. But I personally wouldn’t want to be so obsessed or feel like I have to control who my boyfriend hangs out with, or know where he is every minute of the day. I like having freedom I like my relationship to feel weightless. Basically I like trusting my significant other.

If you find you can’t trust ask yourself why. Is it so much your partner as it is you? Is it a problem loving yourself you have? If it is then why? What is it that keeps you from doing so? Whatever it is stop. You’re awesome! And if you’re reading this you’re extra awesome 😉 I’m just corky that way. Be happy please.

Related articles

• You Are Amazing Enough to Deserve Love (psychologytoday.com)
• On Self-esteem (galuri85.wordpress.com)